The Lies We Tell Ourselves — with Rebecca Nwankwo | Breaking Mental Barriers and the MBA Mindset

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 Rebecca, you've written this fantastic 
book, okay? The Lies We Tell Ourselves,

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which is all about mindset, right? 
Absolutely. How to get from A to B

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Yes. How to manipulate your mind in a good way.

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You've done. One of the world's most 
prestigious MBA programs that's out there,

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let's be honest, you had to work and learn 
in, what was it? How many, wait, how many?

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So I did nine modules and 
I visited seven countries.

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Seven s in four continents countries. 
Yeah, on four continents working with

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leaders from 27 nations. What you're doing 
here and what we're doing in this podcast

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is we're taking the knowledge from these 
business leaders from 27 different countries

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and we're condensing it into patterns and 
mindset and actions that these people do.

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That take them from A to B. Is that 
accurate? That is a exactly right.

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That's exactly right. Uh, and that's why you're 
on, because that's crazy. That's like crazy. I

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love the whole experience going to ESA business 
school. It completely changed my, my life it,

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it changed me from a personal perspective, 
but also from a career perspective, you know?

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Okay. So career perspective in the 
sense that actually I realized when

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I finished my global executive MBA, that I 
didn't necessarily want to pursue a career

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like I was imagining that I wanted to 
before. Um, and it literally was like

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a light bulb went off in my head and I 
was thinking, well, hang on a minute.

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Why am I looking for somebody else to 
give me a job? Why don't I create my

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own role? Oh, I like it myself. So it's 
given you this. Okay. So, so, so we're

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gonna talk about like what you've learned 
there Yeah. And, and how it's changed you

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because it. Going through this process, it has 
fundamentally changed the way that you operate.

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But just so our audience know as well, what I 
like about you, uh, the way that you approached

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me for the podcast, and it shows bravery. You are 
a go-getter. You know, you will pick up the phone,

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you will contact someone, you will talk to 
them, you will pitch yourself. You're not

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scared to do that. And you've got that 
sort of mindset, the GoGet mindset that

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I would love the audience to, to pick up 
here and to be inspired by and, and copy.

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We're gonna now go through what you've 
learned from this very exclusive world,

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how we can adapt that 
information to our own lives.

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Okay? So. What is the most dangerous belief 
that we can say high achievers, but that most

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people don't even realize that they're carrying? 
What, what is that belief that they have about

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themselves? The one thing that I recognize in 
many, because I, I've come across and I've been

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in the company of many types of individuals 
and, you know, uh, high achievers, et cetera.

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In my course, one thing I think 
that most of them have in common

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is they doubt their vulnerabilities. Um, 
so it's a case of, you know, sometimes we,

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we know what we want to get. Mm-hmm. We 
know exactly how, or we think we know

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exactly how we want to, we need to get to 
that place. Um, but there's a niggling,

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there's a niggling voice in our mind that 
then questions whether you are capable.

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Of getting to that place or whether you 
are worth it, you know? So I think it's,

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there is always that, uh, most of the 
times when there is a disparity between

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what we want and what we get in the end 
is because there is a doubt somewhere,

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that keeps chipping away and keeps asking us, 
well, are you sure you can actually do this thing?

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You smart enough for you, you're prepared enough 
And also, but you're not the kind of person

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that can make that sort of money. Other people 
make that sort of money. Exactly. This is it,

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it's really damaging. Very, very 
damaging, very, very damaging. And

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if we don't nip it in the bud, that voice 
will continue telling us exactly that story.

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And eventually we start believing that story. 
And that's what my book is all about. Oh, help,

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help me, help us. Okay. So, so a lot of smart 
and ambitious people know that. I mean, we think,

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okay, don't listen to you, this voice beating 
you down, but. Why do they then still, despite

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knowing that, and probably some will listen to 
this and still go and, and beat themselves up.

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Why do we continue this like destructive 
pattern? It's a bit like a vicious cycle,

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isn't it? It's like you know that you 
shouldn't really be listening to that

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voice. The path that we need to go down is 
often hard. Right. So if you think about it,

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many people want to be millionaire, but 
why, why isn't everyone a millionaire?

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It's because the path is quite difficult to 
get to. So sometimes when people think about

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the, the work that they need to do mm-hmm. To 
get to where they need to get to, they look at

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the road and there's all like, you know, there's 
potholes everywhere in the road and there's like

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a rough patchy road and they look at the other 
road and it's very nice, smooth, and wide.

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You know, they, they kind of like veer 
towards the nice, smooth and wide road

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and they avoid patchy road. Um, but as we 
know, the best things in life most of the

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times come from the patchy road. You kind 
of have to go through, you're right, you're

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so the right, the hard work to get to the goal 
that you, you know, to get to your achievement.

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You know, we can't really skip that part 
yeah, to get them there. And they sometimes

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ask for the advice, like, I mean, I'm gonna 
give you this little example. So, uh, so I,

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I really like running and I've achieved 
some really good running times or whatever.

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Um, and I mean, to the fitness thing, 
and a lady asked me the other day,

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she was like, okay, but, um, what 
exactly do you do? Like, what,

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what are the exact things that you do to get 
to this point? And like. Why, you know, why do

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you weigh this much and why are you running 
at the speed? Like, what exactly do you do?

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Go on. What exactly? And I sort of thought, 
uh oh, very detailed. It's really, it's,

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it's horrible. You know what I do, you know, I 
have to do this and I, and I train like that and,

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and I go do this, and then I've got to Chilton 
Harriers and I have to run, you know, eight and

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a half kilometers on trails. And I have to 
do that every other day in between this.

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And then I also go to gym and I do strength 
training. But you also don't wanna be like,

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oh, look at me, what I do. But actually 
I'm, I'm sorry. Like, I literally do

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that. And I've been doing it for years, 
right? Years. And then she's like, okay,

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thanks for the information. And then she did 
it a couple of times and then never again.

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So you gave her the information she wanted. I 
gave her the information. So what is that? It's,

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it's not, it's, I don't wanna 
do the work. It's one thing,

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but it's also, I can't see myself 
achieving that goal. There's also,

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there's also an innate disbelief, like 
lurking in the background somewhere.

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So it's like, okay, um, you want to become the CEO 
of a company, right? And you, you tell yourself,

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right, I can do it. I've got what it takes. I, 
you know, I know exactly what I need to do. I,

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I need to apply to this place, uh, to this 
particular company. I need to do, um, uh, acquire

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the skillset. Um, so you know the things you 
need to do, but then that voice kicks in.

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That's horrible. This is in your 
quiet moments, you know, you pump

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yourself up and everything. When you quiet 
moments when you're about to go to bed,

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when you are like, you know, in the 
evening, whatever, whenever that time is,

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that voice kicks in and says. Well, actually 
you don't have what it takes to be a CEO.

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Oh, that's painful. It literally 
kicks in and, and you know, you,

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so you've, you've, you've hyped yourself up and 
you've got into that place where Yeah, yeah. Let's

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go do this. Let's do it. We we're 
ready. We're ready. That voice kicks in.

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Okay, let me rephrase, lemme go back. 
One step every time your inner critic

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starts becoming loud is usually when you are 
trying to do something that is very different

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from what you're used to doing. You are 
going down a path that is not used to.

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Well, do you think you can actually achieve this?

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I don't think you're capable of doing it. 
That's interesting. Way to think about

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it. Yeah. So it's actually something new 
and different that's prompting it versus

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a lack, a lack of genuine inability. 
Although maybe you're gonna be learning

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anyway as you, as you do it, but that's an 
interesting perspective to view it from.

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It's a different perspective. Yes. I've not 
thought about it like that. So just a follow up on

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that one. Sometimes it's our own beliefs, right? 
But sometimes when we watch people failing around

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us, that's really contagious and scary. 'cause 
you think, oh. Look what happened to them.

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Ugh. Exactly. Especially, especially 
when it's something that we've seen

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from a young age. So it is, it is even 
worse when we've seen like family,

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whether it is our parents. Yeah. You know, 
people around us as we are growing up,

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try things and fail. You know, because that 
then becomes your, your mental template, right?

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And if you, if you don't apply the right mindset 
tools, you know, um, you eventually start

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believing that that template that you've seen, 
that that's all life is about. Right? Because

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your, your, your mind is now narrow towards 
whatever experience that you've gone through.

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. Whatever you've seen growing up, 
what the templates, all the platforms,

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everything that's been said to 
you is what life is all about.

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Yeah. So there has to be something 
else. So you need to have that inno the,

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you need to have that other thing that says, 
well, there's more to life than this. There's

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got to be more. This is what I've seen. 
But the world is vast. Do you know what,

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we almost like have an app from 
what's happened to in our childhood.

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We're all scar, um, an app and you've 
gotta break, you've gotta update or change,

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alter the app if it's like a very strict pair, 
you are as a people, please. Are you trying to,

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oh, I'm a little goodie too. Shoes, let me 
clean up and are you happy with me? Are you

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happy with me? Are you happy with me? Yeah. 
Like that sort of mentality or whatever it is.

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Or you've had a really hard parent or whatever it 
is, it's like that's the app that keeps replaying

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and that's what you're talking about. Exactly. 
But really we are wired, we've wired ourselves

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absolutely. Yes. Good to be aware of. Yes, we 
have. Okay, so how do you know if your comfort

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zone that you're in this nice little place 
is, is good for you or if it's a jail cage?

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Growth doesn't come from comfort. So unfortunate, 
isn't it? You have to. It's unfortunate, but it,

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that's the, that's reality. You do not 
grow if you're in your comfort zone. You

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think. Um, there is this, um, I dunno if 
you've heard of the elephant mentality.

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No, go on. Um, so the elephant is huge, 
is a very majestic creature. Right. And

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it's putting a, this sort of like cage, 
think of an elephant in a circus and they

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put in sort of like that ring and there's a 
fence around them, right? So all is taught

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from when it's a baby to when it go, grows into 
a giant elephant is to walk around in this cage.

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Mm-hmm. Right? Just inside, within that per 
the pyramid of that cage. And so clever,

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the elephants very, very clever, but that's 
what it's been taught. So it does that all

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day long. That's what it does. But no one told 
the elephant that if he ever leans on that cage,

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'cause it's so big now, the 
cage would literally just.

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Fall, you know, fall down. Yeah. Right. And 
then the whole world is opened up to it.

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Yes. That's what happens with our minds. 
Right. So if you think of like, you've

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got this particular thought pattern that 
you've had from a child, from childhood,

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that's all you know. So you just keep 
repeating. It kind of is like in a loop.

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It goes round in a loop. So it keep 
repeating the same thought pattern,

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right. And no one has taught you, 
or, or no one has said to you,

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well actually it's a big wide world out 
there. Have you considered this? Have you

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thought about this instead? Have you actually 
applied this instead? And all it takes is

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you doing something slightly different to 
change that pattern? That's all it takes.

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Yeah. What you don't change, you accept 
Exactly. Precisely that. And so from a

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scientific perspective, there's neuroplasticity, 
which basically says that the mind is not fixed.

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Right? Because I know that there, there's 
a huge ongoing sort of like debate about

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whether we have a fixed mindset or That's 
a lot, there's a lot going on about that.

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Yeah. A lot, a lot, lot of questions. 
Yeah, absolutely. Um, but neuroplasticity,

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which is scientific, actually says to us 
that we're not, we can rewire our minds.

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And all we need to do is exactly what I was 
saying, is do something slightly differently,

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right? So the minute you, you break a pattern, 
which is by doing something slightly differently.

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So for example, you keep thinking, I can't, 
like, you know, someone. Proposes something

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to you? Um, let's go back to the leadership, 
um, scenario I spoke about earlier. And you

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immediately think, no, I can't, I 
can't do that. I can't become a CEO.

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I'm not capable of being a CEO. But what 
if you twist? What if you reframed that?

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And what if you asked yourself, 
well, what if I can literally from,

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I can't to the question. I like that. 
What if I can, what if I can, it changes,

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it disrupts that, that pattern, and it 
makes you start thinking, it almost makes

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your brain go a little bit fuzzy when you 
can. Yeah, exactly. What have you just Yeah.

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You know, like just scratch the inside of 
your brain. What if I can, I mean that's,

0:12:13.680,0:12:17.360
yeah. That, that's what you need to do 
is actually question questions. Are,

0:12:17.360,0:12:21.200
you just need to question that thought 
that tells you that you can't do stuff.

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We need to know to question. We need 
to know to question. Yes. Exactly.

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Once you realize that those 
are negative thought patterns,

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the key noun is to start challenging them.

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Because just the same way that people 
say things to you that aren't true,

0:12:34.560,0:12:38.960
we say things to ourselves that aren't true. 
Right. But we never really stop to question

0:12:38.960,0:12:42.480
those things. Okay, let's talk about that. 
How do you know if it's not true? And this is

0:12:42.480,0:12:45.360
the whole imposter. There's, you know, there's 
some people that say the imposter syndrome is,

0:12:45.360,0:12:49.440
I think that started from a lady, 
famous lady that's done a tape talk.

0:12:49.440,0:12:52.880
Mel Robbins. Yes. And she said, you know, the 
imposter syndrome, fake it till you make it. And

0:12:52.880,0:12:56.480
some people are saying, you know, don't fake it 
till you make it. Just, just learn as you grow.

0:12:56.480,0:13:02.400
So there's a lot of information about that. 
But, but this is like, do you lie to yourself?

0:13:02.400,0:13:05.120
When is the imposter syndrome real? Do you 
learn along the way? Like. I believe that

0:13:05.120,0:13:11.040
there is imposter syndrome. I went through 
imposter syndrome when I was in the global

0:13:11.040,0:13:17.520
executive MBA, so it's like I'm surrounded by 39 
brilliant minds from all over the world, right?

0:13:17.520,0:13:22.720
And I'm in this environment where, yeah, we, 
we do everything together. We go to different

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countries together, we learn together. So at 
some point in my, especially in the beginning,

0:13:28.320,0:13:32.880
I kept questioning whether my views were valid, 
you know, so it's, it's kind of like I'm,

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am I clever enough to be in the midst of 
this, like really, really brilliant people?

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Um, am I smart enough? You know, am I 
good enough? Like, and also there is,

0:13:39.840,0:13:43.920
there is a lot to do with, um, class 
participation in, throughout the

0:13:43.920,0:13:47.840
program. Yeah. So we have to participate. In 
fact, we are marked on class participation,

0:13:47.840,0:13:52.000
but you get that niggling voice, honestly, I'll be 
in class and that voice and, you know, the, the.

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They're asking us questions and then 
I have a thought in my head, I'm like,

0:13:56.320,0:13:59.680
nah, that's, nah, that doesn't make any 
sense, right? Mm-hmm. And then I hear

0:13:59.680,0:14:02.080
someone else say something similar 
to what I was thinking. I'm like,

0:14:02.080,0:14:05.360
but hang on a minute. I could have 
said that. 'cause I was thinking that.

0:14:05.360,0:14:08.480
You don't just go in, you know, and speak to 
everyone, like in an open classroom and say,

0:14:08.480,0:14:11.440
by the way, this is how I'm feeling. 
It's like you pick your moments,

0:14:11.440,0:14:13.680
you have people that you are kind 
of close to, and you start saying

0:14:13.680,0:14:17.440
to them, oh, you know, like when professor, you 
know, um, one professor Pedro said that I kind of,

0:14:17.440,0:14:20.640
I was thinking that in my head, but I 
felt a bit uncomfortable saying it, and.

0:14:21.440,0:14:25.520
What I started realizing by doing that, when I 
started sharing that is that other people started

0:14:25.520,0:14:29.680
saying, oh, I felt the same. Mm-hmm Me too. Oh, 
this is how I felt when this happened. This is

0:14:29.680,0:14:35.280
how I felt when this happened. Then I realized I 
wasn't alone. And when I started looking into this

0:14:35.280,0:14:39.120
phenomenon called imposter syndrome, whether 
people believe it or not, um, it actually

0:14:39.120,0:14:45.200
says that 70% of people in the world at some 
point in their life feel imposter syndrome.

0:14:45.200,0:14:50.720
That's a lot of people that, so basically the 
point here is you aren't alone, and the best way

0:14:50.720,0:14:56.800
to combat imposter syndrome is by talking about 
it. When you name it and shame it, you realize

0:14:56.800,0:15:01.200
that there's lots of other people that feel the 
same way. It's like identifying a bug in the app.

0:15:01.200,0:15:05.280
Exactly. And once you can name it, then it's like, 
ah, actually it's not, it's not so bad anymore.

0:15:05.280,0:15:11.040
Right. Yeah. I love that. I love that. Okay, 
so let's talk about some of the little lies we

0:15:11.040,0:15:15.520
tell ourselves that quietly sabotage our 
success. So I'm not good enough. I'm not

0:15:15.520,0:15:19.160
clever enough. What else do we tell ourselves? 
I'm not good enough. I'm not clever enough.

0:15:19.160,0:15:24.560
Um, I'm not, um, trained. I don't have enough 
skill sets to get to that place. There's so

0:15:24.560,0:15:29.520
many stories. I'm not one of those people 
that achieve that. Yes, I'm not, I'm not,

0:15:29.520,0:15:34.160
I haven't earned my seats around the table, 
you know? Yeah. So you get into a room of,

0:15:34.160,0:15:37.760
yeah, like, like this scenario I gave you of 
people that are, you know, doing very well in

0:15:37.760,0:15:39.440
life, and then suddenly you are like, oh my God.

0:15:39.440,0:15:42.560
You go into your shell and you think, no, 
no, no, this is not my room. It's, it's very

0:15:42.560,0:15:46.320
uncomfortable in here. You know? Um, so 
there there's so many stories that we,

0:15:46.320,0:15:50.320
and so many lines that we tell ourselves 
and we've told ourselves these things from

0:15:50.320,0:15:56.800
a young age. Um, most of us have from a young 
age. Um, but the thing is here for me is.

0:15:56.800,0:16:03.680
These, the times when you have doubt in 
most cases, is when you are about to,

0:16:03.680,0:16:07.920
when you are challenged to do something 
different from what you're used to doing.

0:16:07.920,0:16:10.640
So when you think about it, so if you 
are driving right, so you've learned

0:16:10.640,0:16:14.240
how to drive and you drive every day, you 
don't have doubts going in the car, do you?

0:16:14.240,0:16:18.640
Because it's, it's automatic. It's something 
you do just naturally comes to you naturally.

0:16:18.640,0:16:23.040
But if someone says to you, um, okay 
Alexandra, why don't you go drive that

0:16:23.040,0:16:26.400
pickup truck, you know, and drive 
it up that terrain, right? That's

0:16:26.400,0:16:30.080
not what you're used to. You are used to 
driving a car, no truck in exactly right.

0:16:30.080,0:16:32.880
A normal car, right? And you're used 
to driving a normal car around town,

0:16:32.880,0:16:37.360
wherever you go to on holiday, but not 
a pickup truck or a terrain. That's

0:16:37.360,0:16:41.840
different, right? So the minute you, 
you are faced with something different,

0:16:41.840,0:16:46.400
the doubts start kicking in. Or you have a 
crash. Or you have a crash, right? There you go.

0:16:46.400,0:16:52.080
Then you're like, you, and you might have 
genuinely done something. Wrong. Yeah. And

0:16:52.080,0:16:55.440
then you can beat yourself up about then 
and think, I should have looked more,

0:16:55.440,0:16:59.440
I should have paid more attention. Or it might 
be a combination of both sides have done,

0:16:59.440,0:17:06.080
it's an accident. Yes. And both sides 
could have been better, but doubt comes in.

0:17:06.080,0:17:11.040
Yes. But that's good. Yes. Hopefully you'll be 
a better driver. Right? As long as it doesn't

0:17:11.040,0:17:14.960
deliberate like cons, like break you so much 
that you don't get in the car again. And,

0:17:14.960,0:17:19.360
and that's, it is, it's about learning from 
our mistakes, isn't it? It's everything. It,

0:17:19.360,0:17:22.080
mistakes are fundamental to help us grow.

0:17:22.080,0:17:25.520
Okay. Not necessarily like crashing, but you 
know what I mean. It's like, yes, you, you,

0:17:25.520,0:17:30.240
if you don't go through adversity, if you 
don't go through things that challenge you,

0:17:30.240,0:17:32.240
how are you gonna learn if everything goes so

0:17:32.240,0:17:36.400
smoothly? And life is like, oh, it is just a 
breeze. There's absolutely nothing to learn.

0:17:36.400,0:17:40.080
There's, you don't build resilience. Right. 
That's a whole different topic as well.

0:17:40.080,0:17:46.080
Resilience. So it's the, the key is when you 
make a mistake is not literally like crushed

0:17:46.080,0:17:52.560
and burning and saying, I'm out. It's what 
went wrong. What could I apply differently

0:17:52.560,0:17:56.375
if I do this next time? Those are the 
things you need to be asking yourself.

0:17:56.375,0:18:00.480
You, you need confidence to do that because I 
know a lot of people get broken by Yes. Something

0:18:00.480,0:18:05.440
happening that their whole self-esteem if you are 
already insecure Yeah. And something comes in and

0:18:05.440,0:18:12.320
damages your, your confidence even more, it's 
very, very difficult. It is, it is. And one of

0:18:12.320,0:18:19.920
the things that could help in this scenario is, 
but is being in the midst of people that have.

0:18:19.920,0:18:24.800
Experience something similar and have overcome 
it. So I'll give you an example. When I wanted

0:18:24.800,0:18:28.160
to write this book, I didn't have a clue. 
Like literally I'm like, I wanna write a

0:18:28.160,0:18:32.480
book. Um, I've never done it before. Um, not 
quite sure. I know I can put pen to paper and

0:18:32.480,0:18:36.943
start writing stuff and everything, but then 
like, there's so many processes that comes.

0:18:36.943,0:18:39.840
It's a big comes with writing a, a book. I didn't 
even realize. I thought, oh, I'm just gonna write,

0:18:39.840,0:18:42.720
I'm gonna write a book, and then I'm 
going to just start writing stuff every

0:18:42.720,0:18:46.000
day. Um, there's the editing, there's 
like, you know, the formatting. There's

0:18:46.000,0:18:50.400
all like, there's, there's lots that goes with 
it. So I didn't really have a clue, right?

0:18:50.400,0:18:54.720
What I did was I joined a Facebook group for 
first time publishers, and I joined other

0:18:54.720,0:19:01.040
Facebook groups and in these groups because I 
found people that were in a similar scenario,

0:19:01.040,0:19:05.840
it gave me the confidence and it actually 
gave me the tools I needed and the help I

0:19:05.840,0:19:10.960
needed. To basically pursue writing the book and 
to finish the book, and then to publish the book.

0:19:10.960,0:19:15.200
But that was being around mind. Um, uh, 
like-minded people, awesome people that are facing

0:19:15.200,0:19:20.000
and similar. So your environment is absolutely 
key. So when you get to that place where you are

0:19:20.000,0:19:25.760
completely broken, and let's face it, motivation 
is just a feeling, right? Motivation is,

0:19:25.760,0:19:30.346
is a feeling. So it's fickle. So you can't 
always rely on motivation to get you there.

0:19:30.346,0:19:32.480
Yeah. You're not always gonna wanna be motivated. 
You need more than motivation. Mm-hmm. So I would

0:19:32.480,0:19:36.880
always encourage, find your people. 
Find, find your, find your peers.

0:19:36.880,0:19:41.440
Find the people that are in a similar situation 
to you or have accomplished what you want to

0:19:41.440,0:19:45.440
accomplish. Whether it's a Facebook group, 
whether it's a physical networking event.

0:19:45.440,0:19:50.640
Um, I just, um, recently joined Global 
Women. Um, club and it's amazing. I mean,

0:19:50.640,0:19:54.960
all these women are fantastic. They come from 
different walks of life all around the world,

0:19:54.960,0:19:58.560
and they've achieved so many different 
things. Or also, and also some of them

0:19:58.560,0:20:02.400
are still on their journey. It's 
amazing being in that atmosphere.

0:20:02.400,0:20:07.280
It literally gives me that feeling of I can, 
like, I feel like I'm invincible almost,

0:20:07.280,0:20:13.600
but it can be intimidating as well. It, it could 
also be, but I feel you think honor is very true,

0:20:13.600,0:20:16.080
but then you see people that are 
in a similar situation to you,

0:20:16.080,0:20:20.640
so it makes it less intimidating. So you see 
people in different, at different stages in life.

0:20:20.640,0:20:25.360
That's, and that's the key, and it's important to 
see this because if all you see is people that are

0:20:25.360,0:20:30.240
doing exactly what you're doing, then there's 
no, what, what, what do you learn? Right? You,

0:20:30.240,0:20:35.440
you learn from people that have been there. 
Done that. And that's also what happened with

0:20:35.440,0:20:39.840
my, uh, global executive MBAI, I saw people that 
had been, you know, they were very successful.

0:20:39.840,0:20:43.360
And I was actually asking, I was like, well, 
why do you need the course? Like you've already,

0:20:43.360,0:20:47.280
you've got a company that has 1000 
members of staff. You don't need an MBA,

0:20:47.280,0:20:49.360
but they're like, they're like, well, I 
need it 'cause I love the network. I want

0:20:49.360,0:20:52.480
to network. You know, I, I'd like 
to meet different types of people.

0:20:52.480,0:20:56.520
Yeah. You know, who spoke about this a 
little bit. You know Emma Greed? I've heard

0:20:56.520,0:20:59.680
of her. She's, she's, um, she's the lady that's 
actually, she calls herself, and I'm surprised

0:20:59.680,0:21:04.800
the Kardashians allowed this, but she goes, 
I'm the brains behind skims. I'm the brains

0:21:04.800,0:21:09.280
behind Good American. I mean, that's confidence 
who say that she, how Kim Kardash is going.

0:21:09.280,0:21:14.140
What? But Kim's like, yeah, all right. You be the, 
you, you be the brain. So I'm the face. Fine. You

0:21:14.140,0:21:16.720
can own it. Own it. Although she has a brain 
on her too. Let's not estimate her. But, but

0:21:16.720,0:21:20.480
Emma Greed is the sort of the, um, the doer of 
the business side. There's a lot of processes

0:21:20.480,0:21:24.240
that have to go into that. Um, things just need 
to be done, and someone has to do that hard,

0:21:24.240,0:21:30.320
boring work, you know, late pricing and all those, 
you know, so she's that. Okay. And, um, she said

0:21:30.320,0:21:39.200
that when she moved to LA and change, she, she 
felt she needed to change her, her environment.

0:21:39.200,0:21:44.160
She was, she wasn't thinking. Big enough. 
It's, it's what you're talking about. Mm. And

0:21:44.160,0:21:46.560
I really do recommend that you 
watch some of the podcast with,

0:21:46.560,0:21:51.680
'cause she runs her own podcast and Okay. Yeah. 
She, she's a, she's a very good business woman,

0:21:51.680,0:21:55.360
you know, you can tell, but she's admitted 
to herself like, I'm not thinking big.

0:21:55.360,0:22:02.240
I'm not stretching to, to, I know I can do 
more and I need to just change of scenery

0:22:02.240,0:22:06.400
completely and go and do this. And she 
moved to LA and sort of rubbing shoulders

0:22:06.400,0:22:10.960
with, you know, right. And um, and then, and 
then did what, what you've done, you know, and

0:22:10.960,0:22:16.480
did the sort of hard pitch, right? 
Like, I've met my, my contact here.

0:22:16.480,0:22:20.560
I am gonna pitch the living daylights 
out of this person. Love to, I get what

0:22:20.560,0:22:24.320
I want. Love that. I love that. And she 
did it. And then she got Good American. I

0:22:24.320,0:22:28.560
love that. And then now she's got skims 
and the list continues. But she had to

0:22:28.560,0:22:33.600
work for that. Yeah. She had to go and be 
embarrassed and go look. Can I pitch you?

0:22:33.600,0:22:40.160
Is that, is that okay Christian? Is that okay? 
Kris? Jenna goes. Go for it. Let's see how you

0:22:40.160,0:22:46.160
go. Try, try, try. We met, you know, you're in 
that pool, we've met. Yeah, you seem decent.

0:22:46.160,0:22:52.400
Let's see what you got. And then she grafted it. 
Look where she is today. I love it. I love it. And

0:22:52.400,0:23:00.640
the thing is, people are scared of failure, but 
failure is absolutely fundamental for success.

0:23:00.640,0:23:06.960
Because without failure, again, it comes back to 
growth. Growth is so important without failure.

0:23:06.960,0:23:12.320
How do you know what to tweak without failure? 
How do you know what to change to improve,

0:23:12.320,0:23:15.680
to get to that next level? You know, 
my mom always said to me growing up,

0:23:15.680,0:23:18.960
my mom said, um, well just ask. 
What's the words they can say?

0:23:18.960,0:23:26.720
Yeah, no. Right? Yeah. No one ever died from a 
no. Yeah. Right. No one ever done world. Well,

0:23:26.720,0:23:30.800
maybe, maybe. But you know, e even 
with this podcast, you know, which I

0:23:30.800,0:23:34.160
do. I've got my business and then 
I've got the podcast and I had to

0:23:34.160,0:23:37.200
learn about how to do podcasts and I had 
to start from zero and I had to grow it.

0:23:37.200,0:23:42.160
And then we've been growing and from 400 to 40,000 
subscribers. So people like something, but that's

0:23:42.160,0:23:46.480
amazing, by the way. But to get guests, lemme 
tell you, I had to go through so much rejection.

0:23:46.480,0:23:50.720
You see now the tables are slightly turning and 
I've got people coming to me and, and the, their

0:23:50.720,0:23:54.720
PR agents are pitching and saying, look, we, 
our guests can offer this and this and that.

0:23:54.720,0:23:57.360
It's changing a little bit. I still have to 
work for it. Mm-hmm. You know, I still have

0:23:57.360,0:24:00.960
to like, go out there hunting with 
a team, you know, trying our best,

0:24:00.960,0:24:04.240
making sure that we are adding value. There's 
a lot of stuff that goes into it, but my God,

0:24:04.240,0:24:09.120
I've taken rejection and I've also taken rejection 
from, from, from people within my network.

0:24:09.120,0:24:12.800
So within my own network. And you like friends 
that I've, that, you know, I've gone to school

0:24:12.800,0:24:14.880
with and they, they're doing something 
great and it's like, come on. They're like,

0:24:14.880,0:24:20.800
nah. And you've got, suck that up. Yeah. And move 
on quickly. Like, okay, you don't want it. Fine.

0:24:20.800,0:24:26.720
That's okay. Literally, it genuinely is and move 
on. I really like this because it's like rejection

0:24:26.720,0:24:32.240
is not the end. Rejection is just a redirection. 
Right? And that's what we've got to like, remember

0:24:32.240,0:24:37.440
this. It's like no is not the end of the story. 
There's so many stories. I love your story, by the

0:24:37.440,0:24:42.276
way. There's so many stories, entrepreneurs that 
we know that have had so many rejections, right?

0:24:42.276,0:24:45.600
Right. Look at Elli, look at Ellison with 
a light bulb. How many times did he fail

0:24:45.600,0:24:50.480
before he finally got there? You know? So it's 
like we've got to come outta our own head and

0:24:50.480,0:24:57.200
stop being so scared of a no. Right? Yeah. 
A no means okay, well, maybe. I just, I'm

0:24:57.200,0:25:01.600
not ready to work with this person right now, but 
there's somebody else that is my person, I think.

0:25:01.600,0:25:04.240
Totally. And it makes you, there's always 
somebody else. Yeah. And it makes you, when

0:25:04.240,0:25:07.200
you don't get the guests on that subject, even 
though they're in your network, you think,

0:25:07.200,0:25:10.720
well, I've gotta hunt's. I've gotta go hunting's 
and find another guest. And, and then you find

0:25:10.720,0:25:13.440
someone and they've got something different 
to bring to the table and you think, well,

0:25:13.440,0:25:18.480
I'm really glad I've been on this journey because 
now I've got this person and it's different.

0:25:18.480,0:25:21.760
And, and, and you can't take it personally 
either. It's just business and it's just

0:25:21.760,0:25:26.240
people have got a lot of things going on. You've 
gotta move on quickly. You can't wallow in it,

0:25:26.240,0:25:30.240
is what I've learned. And I, and I had 
to learn that because I'm, I'm proud,

0:25:30.240,0:25:35.200
I'm like a proud person. How can you 
reject? How could you do that to me?

0:25:35.200,0:25:39.040
And it's like, it's. I've got, I'm getting 
used to it. I'm getting so much better now.

0:25:39.040,0:25:43.280
And it's like genuinely cool. Yeah. And 
to be fair, you are not alone. Most human

0:25:43.280,0:25:46.560
beings are proud. That's our nature. 
Most of us like that. That's what,

0:25:46.560,0:25:50.080
that's why we're scared of failure. Mm. Because of 
our pride. Yeah. When you think about it, right?

0:25:50.080,0:25:54.240
So there's a mantra that I learned a 
a few years ago. Mm-hmm. Some will,

0:25:54.240,0:26:00.560
some won't. So what next? Wow. I love that 
mantra. So I love that when you get rejection

0:26:00.560,0:26:07.200
next time guys try that, some will, some 
won't. So what next? Someone else is waiting.

0:26:07.760,0:26:11.280
That's totally something I'm taking 
in the back. I'm taking that right.

0:26:11.280,0:26:16.000
Okay. So we're gonna talk now. So that's 
one thing. We, we need to break negative

0:26:16.000,0:26:20.080
patterns. We need to rewire our brain. So let's 
now talk about some, some things we can actually

0:26:20.080,0:26:24.960
do. So we've got a mantra that's helpful. Um, 
there's visualization, right? Yes. Talk to

0:26:24.960,0:26:30.320
me. I absolutely love visualization. 
This is something that I apply in my

0:26:30.320,0:26:34.800
life and I've done it for years and I 
can honestly say that it's helped me.

0:26:34.800,0:26:39.253
So visualization is actually, is not just like, 
oh, who could is? It's not just, uh, daydream. It

0:26:39.253,0:26:46.080
is not daydreaming. I mean, Hawaii isn't it? 
Exactly. Daydreaming is, yeah. Daydreaming is just

0:26:46.080,0:26:54.480
us fantasizing. Visualization is strategy because 
visualization is literally programming your brain.

0:26:54.480,0:26:59.920
Two, think of something you want to achieve, 
not just to think of it, but to see it, right?

0:26:59.920,0:27:04.640
So when you start to program your brain to see 
something that you, you want to achieve in the

0:27:04.640,0:27:10.080
next two years, five years, 10, whatever the case 
may be, your brain eventually starts believing,

0:27:10.080,0:27:14.240
okay, let's use an example. It's help. 
Let's help. Or a lot of them will be in,

0:27:14.240,0:27:17.040
let's just imagine for now, 
and we'll go through both.

0:27:17.040,0:27:20.160
Yeah. Scenario. A lot of people be in a job 
they don't like. Yes, they they don't like

0:27:20.160,0:27:24.560
it. What Visualize, okay, so visual. What 
job do you want? Like you have to really

0:27:24.560,0:27:28.800
go through that process of identifying what, 
what is it I want? Right. Do I want to work in,

0:27:28.800,0:27:32.629
I don't know, Google, uh, do I want, or do I want 
to work in, like, what, what is your passion?

0:27:32.629,0:27:35.200
What, what drives you? What do you want? 
And, and they already know what they don't

0:27:35.200,0:27:39.120
want because they know they hate their job. 
Right? Step one, right? Tick some. What I

0:27:39.120,0:27:42.640
find is people tend to know what they 
don't want, but don't always know what

0:27:42.640,0:27:46.800
they do want. So you've got to go through 
the exercise of identifying what you want.

0:27:46.800,0:27:50.640
'cause what, once you identify 
what you want, then you can,

0:27:50.640,0:27:55.040
whether you print pictures, you know, you 
get a mood board, put it out there. Let's,

0:27:55.040,0:28:00.800
you want to be able to see that thing all the 
time. Because when you see it all the time,

0:28:00.800,0:28:05.920
your brain starts identifying, right? 
That this is exactly where I need to be.

0:28:05.920,0:28:10.160
And when your brain starts to identify 
with that image that you keep seeing all

0:28:10.160,0:28:12.640
the time and saying, it's attracting 
you. This is exactly where I want to

0:28:12.640,0:28:16.160
be. Yeah. Then eventually you're going to 
start asking the question. Okay. I know

0:28:16.160,0:28:20.560
this is where I want to be. How can I get 
there? Because visualization is a start.

0:28:20.560,0:28:25.040
Visualization is the, okay, my brain, I need 
to get my brain thinking of this thing all

0:28:25.040,0:28:27.120
the time. Right? Yeah. And it starts to 
like, you know, and you do need that.

0:28:27.120,0:28:32.400
It's, you need it. It's the direction. 
Absolutely need it. Absolutely need it.

0:28:32.400,0:28:35.440
So once your brain starts identifying, this 
is exactly what I want, that's what I want,

0:28:35.440,0:28:41.280
that's what I want, then you then go back to the, 
okay, how do I get to that thing that I want?

0:28:41.280,0:28:44.800
Right? And this is where the incremental 
steps come in. Right? Okay. So I'll give you

0:28:44.800,0:28:49.840
an example. Um, I'm a car person, I love Audis, 
right? Mm-hmm. So for, for a few years, I, I drove

0:28:49.840,0:28:55.120
Audis. Yeah. But before I got there, right? I, I 
had like a old bang doka and stuff, and I, I would

0:28:55.120,0:28:57.198
see people, I would see the Audis on the road, 
and I'd be like, I love that you're a car person.

0:28:57.198,0:29:02.683
I love it. I love that. And, and I would see Audis 
on the road. I'm like, oh, that's Smiley. A five,

0:29:02.683,0:29:05.600
right? Yeah. I want it. I like that. That's, 
that's my future car. Like, that's the car I want.

0:29:05.600,0:29:09.360
Didn't have a clue how I was gonna get there, but 
I was like, that's the car I want. Right? Mm. And

0:29:09.360,0:29:17.120
so what I did was I actually went to the showroom 
and I booked a test drive and I, I drove, I drove

0:29:17.120,0:29:20.960
one of the, it was a, a four, I'll never forget, 
like a really nice red, like ick redick, right?

0:29:20.960,0:29:25.680
A four. I, I took my, my kids along and I 
took my other half along. I was like, this,

0:29:25.680,0:29:30.240
this could be our car, right? Everybody loved, 
I mean, obviously the, the, the test drive was

0:29:30.240,0:29:34.960
absolutely amazing, but the minute, as soon as we 
finished that test drive, I couldn't stop thinking

0:29:34.960,0:29:38.320
about that car because now I've actually felt 
it like, it's different when you see something,

0:29:38.320,0:29:43.040
but when you actually start to feel it, 
experience and experience, it is, okay, that's it.

0:29:43.040,0:29:47.120
That's what we're gonna do. Okay? That's 
what we're gonna do. Right? And somehow,

0:29:47.120,0:29:53.040
I promise you, because my mind was in 
it, I worked towards getting it right,

0:29:53.040,0:30:00.400
and I think it was maybe like a year and a 
half later, I bought myself a silver. RD four.

0:30:00.400,0:30:05.920
So that's just an example,? Once you start 
visualizing is a first step, you've got to,

0:30:05.920,0:30:12.400
you've got to feel, you've got actually start 
thinking how is it going to feel? You want is to

0:30:12.400,0:30:16.240
experience it, start experiencing it 
somehow, when you start to feel it,

0:30:16.240,0:30:20.880
it takes you to a different place. And 
then you will start thinking, okay, right.

0:30:20.880,0:30:24.320
What do I need to do to get 
to that thing? Do I need to,

0:30:24.320,0:30:28.320
do I need to acquire more skills? Do I need to 
go back to school? Do I need to, you know, so

0:30:28.320,0:30:33.760
you start breaking down all the things, the, 
the steps that you need to take to get to that.

0:30:33.760,0:30:38.852
Because right now that's utopia. But we need 
to climb the staircase to get to each other.

0:30:38.852,0:30:43.280
Yeah. Utopia is right at the top. Right? So 
you've got to climb all the stair wrongs to get

0:30:43.280,0:30:47.920
to Utopia and make sure it's your dream and not 
someone else's. Absolutely. Okay. You know, the

0:30:47.920,0:30:52.800
way that I look at things, you know, what 
I wanna achieve in life, what I'm gonna do,

0:30:52.800,0:30:59.120
what my goals are, whatever I, I have those 
in my mind, and then I break it down into.

0:30:59.120,0:31:03.600
My day and I look at, you know, a day 
or a week, but I do look at the day,

0:31:03.600,0:31:06.800
down to the hours. You know, there's only 
a certain amount of hours in the day that

0:31:06.800,0:31:11.680
you can dedicate to, to friends and family, 
to progressing things. You know what? Let's,

0:31:11.680,0:31:17.120
let's talk about career wise to, if you have 
a job, you're dedicating that time to the job.

0:31:17.120,0:31:20.880
If you wanna run your own business, how much of 
your day have you dedicated to running your own

0:31:20.880,0:31:25.200
business? Is it just thought and are you 
visualizing it? Or what did you do today

0:31:25.200,0:31:31.120
in terms of time, right? And energy and 
action in your day today. Yeah. And okay,

0:31:31.120,0:31:34.720
if today's not acceptable, because whatever, 
have you taken any day in the week?

0:31:34.720,0:31:40.720
Is it a Saturday? Is that too late? How are 
you structuring? How much energy of your life,

0:31:40.720,0:31:49.200
your precious one life are you giving to 
pleasing your boss versus pleasing yourself?

0:31:49.200,0:31:54.800
Love this. That, do you know, uh, that is 
so, such a fundamental. Um, thing to think

0:31:54.800,0:31:58.880
about. Um, and I will go as far as, because 
this is exactly where I am right now, right?

0:31:58.880,0:32:03.520
This is exactly what I'm doing. 'cause I've 
started my business EAP and I'm still working

0:32:03.520,0:32:07.120
nine to five, right. And I've written a book 
and just because the audience dunno this,

0:32:07.120,0:32:13.360
she's a selling Sunset girl. She's a high 
flying London real estate, which is great,

0:32:13.360,0:32:15.280
but it's not your, you know, I mean, it's good.

0:32:15.280,0:32:17.680
Yeah. It's but you've also got 
your business. Exactly. I mean,

0:32:17.680,0:32:23.760
it's not as sexy as selling sunset. I wish 
it was, but you know, but who said that?

0:32:23.760,0:32:27.440
Right? Okay. We, we do our own 
thing, but it's, um, so my,

0:32:27.440,0:32:31.680
my future for me is, um, the business I've 
started, which is coaching people to get

0:32:31.680,0:32:36.880
into executive MBA, um, and, you know, top 
business schools, right? So I'm doing this

0:32:36.880,0:32:42.000
alongside of my nine to five, and then I also 
wrote the book and I've got family, right?

0:32:42.000,0:32:45.840
So the question that people ask me all the 
time is Rebecca, like. Time, where do you

0:32:45.840,0:32:48.400
get the time? Like, you know, 
yeah. Time. And I say to them,

0:32:48.400,0:32:52.880
you've got to be so intentional with your time. 
It's the same as when I did my global executive

0:32:52.880,0:32:57.600
MBI keep going back to, because that was 
what, where everything kind of started.

0:32:57.600,0:33:00.320
Like, you know, like, well, things 
changed. That's exactly that. Yeah,

0:33:00.320,0:33:04.080
that's it. Bingo. That's where everything 
changed. Um, because it taught me so much

0:33:04.080,0:33:08.560
about time management because it's such a 
vigorous and challenging course to go through.

0:33:08.560,0:33:12.400
You're doing it with full-time 
work, traveling, kids, family.

0:33:12.400,0:33:17.680
You have no choice but to learn how to manage your 
time effectively. I became very intentional with

0:33:17.680,0:33:23.600
my time. I was like, okay. And it was militant. It 
was like, okay, this is the time I go to work when

0:33:23.600,0:33:29.920
I get home. This is the time I dedicate like two, 
two and a half hours or three hours to school.

0:33:29.920,0:33:33.360
And then you have to be militant. You have 
to protect the time that you've set. So if

0:33:33.360,0:33:37.120
you're saying, this is my study time, protect 
it like your life depends on it. Yeah. Be be

0:33:37.120,0:33:42.400
aware of time wasters in your life. They say, 
look, they wanna have long chats. Very true,

0:33:42.400,0:33:46.080
very true. Let, let's talk about some of the 
habits that you developed you've got your

0:33:46.080,0:33:50.720
visualization, you, you're very intentional 
with your time. What are some of the habits,

0:33:50.720,0:33:55.040
and I know that you go through this in your, 
in your book, that that help with the mindset

0:33:55.040,0:34:01.840
change and achieving goals. Journaling is so, is 
very, very key for this because with journaling,

0:34:01.840,0:34:06.310
journaling highlights things to you that you 
may not even be aware that you are doing.

0:34:06.310,0:34:10.720
Like you, you may not realize that you have a 
pattern, but when you start writing things down

0:34:10.720,0:34:14.400
and then you kind of like go through like, hang 
on a minute. So I did this on the Monday, Tuesday,

0:34:14.400,0:34:18.720
Wednesday, didn't do it on Thursday, but I did 
did it on Friday. You start recognizing that you

0:34:18.720,0:34:20.480
have a pattern. What are you journaling, 
what are you, what are you writing now?

0:34:20.480,0:34:21.760
Your thoughts, like your day, how has your day

0:34:21.760,0:34:23.760
been? Like what, what? Oh, right. What negative 
thoughts your literally, yeah, like, and actually

0:34:23.760,0:34:28.560
one of the things that is important here is 
journaling. Negative thoughts. Because when

0:34:28.560,0:34:34.560
you, when you journal negative thoughts and brave, 
I know, but it helps you identify the pattern.

0:34:34.560,0:34:37.920
Yeah. It helps you identify all the things 
you keep saying to yourself. I don't think

0:34:37.920,0:34:42.320
I'd want to journal the things I say to myself. 
Try and the thing is, it's terrible. You don't

0:34:42.320,0:34:44.800
have to do it. Like, for, you don't 
have to do it for life. In my book,

0:34:44.800,0:34:48.120
I think there's an exercise where I said 
do this for, I think it was a week or so.

0:34:48.120,0:34:54.160
Oh, okay. Just to identify what your pattern 
is. Because without being able to, and,

0:34:54.160,0:34:58.000
and the thing is, our thoughts are one thing, 
but when you're able to put pen to paper,

0:34:58.000,0:35:01.520
it brings it to life, doesn't it? That's what 
writing a book is like, you know, like you have,

0:35:01.520,0:35:05.920
everything is in your mind, but the minute 
you put it down on paper, it becomes real.

0:35:05.920,0:35:09.040
So it's like you, you want to, you 
want to call that thing out. You

0:35:09.040,0:35:12.720
want to bring it to life and say, oh, 
I know that this is what happened. I

0:35:12.720,0:35:19.600
see you. Exactly. There's nowhere to 
hide down. It's brave. It's brave.

0:35:19.600,0:35:24.560
So on the, the program you, you 
spoke to a lot of really influential,

0:35:24.560,0:35:29.760
very successful business leaders. What's 
something they have in common in terms of

0:35:29.760,0:35:35.440
habit or be behavioral signal that you've 
noticed that it's like a, a shared thing?

0:35:35.440,0:35:42.080
The innate belief that they just can't, it, 
it felt if, when I spoke to these guys, right,

0:35:42.080,0:35:45.120
it felt like there were no boundaries. 
Like in terms of what they could achieve,

0:35:45.120,0:35:49.760
right. It just seemed like to them, everything was 
possible. Yeah, everything was, you know, out for

0:35:49.760,0:35:52.880
grabs. Everything was on the plate. The, the, 
there was nothing that was like, ah, no, that's

0:35:52.880,0:35:58.160
too, that's too farfetched. One of them wants 
to, one of I, I, I, I smile because I really

0:35:58.160,0:36:02.710
think of him fondly. Um, I'll never forget, 
he, he wants to own his own, um, spaceship.

0:36:02.710,0:36:08.800
You know, he wants to send a rocket to space. 
I'm like, why not? He owns his own plane right

0:36:08.800,0:36:12.560
now, you know? So I'm like, okay, so right. So 
let's do it. When are we going to like, get this

0:36:12.560,0:36:17.200
project on the road? So nothing is off the table. 
It may seem like it's, oh my God, it's just so far

0:36:17.200,0:36:22.240
away. But for this group, and that's why 
it was so empowering, being around them.

0:36:22.240,0:36:26.720
Everything is up for grabs. There's no goal 
that is too big and too far fetched and too

0:36:26.720,0:36:32.000
ridiculous that you, that you can't get there. 
Did you see any indication from them on how they

0:36:32.000,0:36:38.160
deal with failure? Did any of them speak about 
that? So, some of the people I got close to,

0:36:38.160,0:36:41.120
and this is where the whole um, 
uh, imposter syndrome thing became.

0:36:41.120,0:36:47.280
When I was speaking about imposter syndrome, we 
also spoke about fear failure. Yeah. I started

0:36:47.280,0:36:53.840
seeing was that these guys did not allow failure 
to be the full stop. It was a bit like, okay,

0:36:53.840,0:36:58.240
I didn't get that right. I, I didn't 
quite achieve what I wanted to achieve,

0:36:58.240,0:37:01.680
but how can I use what I learned from this?

0:37:01.680,0:37:07.040
And this is also what you get taught in MBAs to 
be fair. How can I use what I've learned from

0:37:07.040,0:37:12.720
this and apply that differently? It's about 
reframing failure. It's hard, isn't it? It's

0:37:12.720,0:37:18.240
very hard. It's very hard. It's, it's difficult. 
It's so hard. It's about, it's that whole thing

0:37:18.240,0:37:24.400
about being intentional and understanding 
that failure is, should not stop you.

0:37:24.400,0:37:27.280
Failure is not the full stop. But, 
but you know why, why I say it's

0:37:27.280,0:37:30.080
hard Because like you've watched X Factor, 
right? Yeah. Yeah. And then you have this,

0:37:30.080,0:37:33.200
some of them go on and they really, really 
can't sing, you know, and they've got

0:37:33.200,0:37:36.320
their parents saying, oh, but you're such a 
good singer. You're my little sweetie pie.

0:37:36.320,0:37:40.800
And the parents sort of blindly. And it 
is blindly because it's really obvious to

0:37:40.800,0:37:45.280
everyone that this kid can't sing and 
they keep pushing this kid. There's

0:37:45.280,0:37:51.040
always that side of it. Yeah. Which can 
eat into what we're talking about here.

0:37:51.040,0:37:58.480
Where's the That is such a good point. 
It's about learning how to fail fast.

0:37:58.480,0:38:03.120
That was also the other element of failure 
that we, that we got taught. This kept coming

0:38:03.120,0:38:07.280
up a lot in our, in, um, the program. It 
was, it was a case of, um, if you fail,

0:38:07.280,0:38:11.440
continuously fail at something, 
at what point do you give up or

0:38:11.440,0:38:16.320
do you continue going? Right. And that 
was always a conundrum. Do I give up?

0:38:16.320,0:38:20.320
Because maybe it wasn't quite for me. Maybe 
I should be doing something different,

0:38:20.320,0:38:25.200
or maybe I should just continue going 
like Edison with a light bulb. Right.

0:38:25.200,0:38:31.520
So it's about identifying exactly what 
you want to achieve. Totally. You have

0:38:31.520,0:38:34.000
to identify what it is, like what is 
it you want? Yeah. What's your goals?

0:38:34.000,0:38:35.680
'cause then it's exactly, it's, it's a, it's a,

0:38:35.680,0:38:43.360
it's a success to stop trying to sing. Well, this 
is, it. Expect when you, it's a success. Stop

0:38:43.360,0:38:48.000
that, but refocus. It's about pivoting. Yeah. 
Yeah. Pivoting. That's it. That's the refocus. I,

0:38:48.000,0:38:52.400
I call it pivoting. So sometimes you 
may need to pivot, maybe what you set

0:38:52.400,0:38:57.760
out to achieve or what you wanted to do 
in the first place was not quite right.

0:38:57.760,0:39:01.200
Maybe you needed a tweak. Right? 
Yeah. But you, you get that. You,

0:39:01.200,0:39:05.280
you only get to that place when you 
failed at something. As several times

0:39:05.280,0:39:09.040
and then some, and, and then when you start 
looking at that goal again, you, you realize,

0:39:09.040,0:39:12.960
hang on a minute, there's another way to 
get this, there's another way to do this.

0:39:12.960,0:39:15.520
Maybe I'm not doing it. 
Maybe I'm not in the right,

0:39:15.520,0:39:19.600
like sort of like a, a pathway. Mm-hmm. I need 
to, I need to shift my pathway. I think it's

0:39:19.600,0:39:24.000
super important. It's so important. It's, it's 
self-awareness. Like you've got to have so much,

0:39:24.000,0:39:27.040
you've got to have self-awareness to be 
able to do these sort of things as well.

0:39:27.040,0:39:30.720
What is one small little action? That, um, we can

0:39:30.720,0:39:34.400
take to build our mental strength over 
time. So is it, is it the journaling,

0:39:34.400,0:39:38.800
is it the mantra? Like what, what would you 
say the little action is that we can take?

0:39:38.800,0:39:42.160
There's so many different things we 
can do, but there's one really nice

0:39:42.160,0:39:47.920
short sweet one that I quite like. Um, it's 
called A Self Truth. So this is where you

0:39:47.920,0:39:53.680
identify one lie you've been telling yourself 
Oh, for a while, gosh, just one. Oh, I mean,

0:39:53.680,0:39:58.160
we tell ourselves many, quite frankly, 
but just identify one of them, right?

0:39:58.160,0:40:01.760
It could be, I'm not smart enough. 
It could be, you know, um, I'm not,

0:40:01.760,0:40:07.680
I don't have enough skills to do that, you know? 
Uh, whatever that one lie is, reframing it.

0:40:07.680,0:40:18.240
So let's go from I can't do x to what if. I 
can do X and also, so let's use an example.

0:40:18.240,0:40:23.280
So let's go back to the leadership example 
I used where you want to become a CEO of a

0:40:23.280,0:40:29.280
world recognized company and that voice just 
says, nah, nah, you're not good enough. You

0:40:29.280,0:40:34.480
can't do it. Right? Instead of just giving 
into that thought, hold it there. Think of

0:40:34.480,0:40:41.040
all the scenarios where you've led. It could be, 
and it doesn't have to be in a work situation.

0:40:41.040,0:40:43.840
It could be at home, think of different 
scenarios where you've brought people

0:40:43.840,0:40:47.760
together to achieve a common goal. Whether 
it's a kids party, whether it is organizing

0:40:47.760,0:40:51.520
something, um, you know, a church, what, 
whatever the case may be, right? And that

0:40:51.520,0:40:55.840
is your example of leadership. Think 
of all those different scenarios.

0:40:55.840,0:41:02.720
So all of those basically tells you that 
actually I do have some skillset, okay,

0:41:02.720,0:41:06.480
to be able to do this. And all of 
those actually shut that voice up

0:41:06.480,0:41:08.480
that says you can't, where you like 
you are like, well, hang on a minute,

0:41:08.480,0:41:13.120
but I've done this and I've done that and I've 
done, so actually that's not so true, right?

0:41:13.120,0:41:20.400
Think of scenarios where basically it disproves 
that lie. Just think of I love that. I love that

0:41:20.400,0:41:24.880
one or two scenarios. You, you're opening up the 
bag of your life. Yeah. You are looking at what's

0:41:24.880,0:41:28.360
inside and going. Well, pretty much I did actually 
do that and I was quite happy with myself.

0:41:28.360,0:41:32.320
Exactly. And I did do that. And, and when 
everyone does it, and I know everyone watching

0:41:32.320,0:41:34.720
when they open that little bag of 
their things that they've done,

0:41:34.720,0:41:39.440
I bet there's a lot of golden coins in this. 
So much. And because we're so busy, we're so

0:41:39.440,0:41:43.600
busy. Right. Let's face it, everybody's busy. 
Right. We don't often take time for thinking.

0:41:43.600,0:41:50.720
We don't. So this is an intentional 
exercise. This exercise forces you to think,

0:41:50.720,0:41:57.120
it forces you to pause and to just 
think of what's happened in your

0:41:57.120,0:42:01.280
life. Exactly. And we take the time to do 
it. And it's an action that you've got.

0:42:01.280,0:42:03.520
It's an action that you take. 
And I love that 'cause that,

0:42:03.520,0:42:09.040
that builds earned confidence. I love that. 
I I absolutely love that. Okay. Um, so

0:42:09.040,0:42:12.880
if someone's stuck, what should they do? 
Like remember we talked about environment.

0:42:12.880,0:42:16.320
Now I just want to explain something about 
environment. Environment doesn't necessarily

0:42:16.320,0:42:19.360
mean moving to a different country. So, 'cause I 
think people hear environment, they, they think,

0:42:19.360,0:42:22.160
oh my god, I need to move to New 
York. Yeah. So we're not talking

0:42:22.160,0:42:26.160
about that environment could 
be the people you hang around.

0:42:26.160,0:42:28.800
It could be, you know, the people you 
don't hang around with. Oh, the people

0:42:28.800,0:42:32.080
you don't hang exactly. The people 
you haven't yet met, right? So it's

0:42:32.080,0:42:38.000
about being intentional and finding an 
environment that supports what you want,

0:42:38.000,0:42:41.120
where you want to go in life, what you want 
to achieve, what your goals are, right?

0:42:41.120,0:42:44.480
If you want to bake right, and you've never 
baked in your life before, you think, oh my God,

0:42:44.480,0:42:50.320
I don't even know where to start with this thing. 
Find a baking club, right? Go on Facebook, find a,

0:42:50.320,0:42:57.840
a baking Facebook club. Do something that helps 
you meet people that have similar intentions,

0:42:57.840,0:43:03.600
similar goals, because I promise you, when you're 
in a room or in a, whether it's virtual or in a

0:43:03.600,0:43:08.960
physical room with people that are aligned, 
it gives you a whole hip of confidence.

0:43:08.960,0:43:15.760
It just reshapes the way you see things, right? 
And also it opens up the, the, the world a little

0:43:15.760,0:43:20.760
bit better to you because you, when you are in 
your own head, you only think, think of it like a

0:43:20.760,0:43:25.680
straight. You are only thinking one way, but the 
minute you meet, I dunno, Abigail, and you meet

0:43:25.680,0:43:29.920
Steve and you meet this other person and they're 
thinking in different ways from the way you think.

0:43:29.920,0:43:32.480
It's no longer just a straight 
road. Now I, I get that,

0:43:32.480,0:43:36.800
but I know that there will be people 
watching that find that nerve wracking.

0:43:36.800,0:43:41.120
Like, like, you know, I've mentioned that that 
might have social anxiety to step into this world

0:43:41.120,0:43:45.760
of people. They might have that imposter syndrome, 
they might have that, but do it anyway. Right. Do

0:43:45.760,0:43:50.560
it virtually. You don't have to go physically. 
Mm-hmm. Virtually is less intimidating because

0:43:50.560,0:43:54.880
I'm also, you don't even have to have a, like your 
face, like when you're in a Facebook group, right.

0:43:54.880,0:43:58.080
You don't put your face out there. If you're 
scared of it, they're lost baby steps. You can

0:43:58.080,0:44:02.560
take baby steps. They very much baby steps. It's 
all about the incremental to dive. Yeah. Don't

0:44:02.560,0:44:08.160
dive deep into the, don't go straight into the 
deep end. You're talking incremental steps just to

0:44:08.160,0:44:14.160
get you there, to start building your confidence 
because you build confidence by momentum.

0:44:14.160,0:44:18.800
And it's about progress of a perfection. 
'cause I think sometimes we, we seek

0:44:18.800,0:44:21.280
perfection. We're like, no, no, 
no, we're not. It's not ready yet.

0:44:21.280,0:44:23.440
That's how confidence is yours 
is through that momentum. Okay,

0:44:23.440,0:44:28.880
so what's the first brick we relay? Awareness. 
It always starts from you accepting that you

0:44:28.880,0:44:33.840
have a problem. If you don't accept that 
you have a problem, how do you fix it?

0:44:33.840,0:44:38.480
What is stopping you? Good advice. I love that 
because people always think about if it's only,

0:44:38.480,0:44:43.360
if it's a drinking problem or if it's a drug 
problem. But what if it's a you problem,

0:44:43.360,0:44:47.200
as in you're holding yourself back. 
Yeah. That's also a legitimate problem.

0:44:47.200,0:44:51.120
And you're literally holding yourself 
back. The, and the difference with this

0:44:51.120,0:44:55.760
is when it's a you problem, you've got 
so much more power. Because once you can

0:44:55.760,0:44:59.600
identify, once you're aware of what it is that's 
holding you back, and you can call it. You can

0:44:59.600,0:45:04.400
fix it now. It's no longer dependent 
on other people to, to fix it for you.

0:45:04.400,0:45:10.080
It's a you, you can fix it yourself, so you'll 
bring the power back into your hands to do

0:45:10.080,0:45:15.680
something about it. But it also has some 
awareness. I'm, I'm gonna end with this,

0:45:15.680,0:45:19.280
which I, I've, you know, someone said 
to me once, um, actually from childhood

0:45:19.280,0:45:24.400
and I thought it was beautifully framed and 
ever since then I've really lived this and,

0:45:24.400,0:45:29.520
and I know you're living it through this, 
is that we are the authors of our own book.

0:45:29.520,0:45:35.760
Ah, I love that. Yes. We're like the pilots of 
our own plane. Yes. I love it. Yeah. So Rebecca,

0:45:35.760,0:45:39.680
thank you so much for joining us. We've 
learned an incredible amount and it's

0:45:39.680,0:45:45.120
just been inspiring and yeah, just 
love to having on. Thank you so much.

0:45:45.120,0:45:53.920
I've enjoyed myself so much. Yeah, 
thank you for having me. Thank you.